tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2659026536331999061.post208140486447834093..comments2023-06-24T03:33:29.854-07:00Comments on Summer Haiku 2009: Rachel Greenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13048590167153841615noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2659026536331999061.post-66441259834210838072009-06-21T06:42:57.737-07:002009-06-21T06:42:57.737-07:00I think you can actually lose 'sways' as t...I think you can actually lose <b><i>'sways'</i></b> as that is implied in the noun <b><i>'hammock'</i></b> e.g. <br /><br /><i>cool hammock view<br />a Venetian wish gently<br />blinks once and is gone</i><br /><br />.Area 17https://www.blogger.com/profile/07472190637554124160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2659026536331999061.post-45686558736564822892009-06-20T22:21:28.468-07:002009-06-20T22:21:28.468-07:00Thanks, Alan. I like the "v" better cap...Thanks, Alan. I like the "v" better capitalized as well. I think "a" makes the line sound too long -- it already feels long to me...diana l.https://www.blogger.com/profile/12508598285292827626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2659026536331999061.post-71009316339779121382009-06-20T05:41:41.674-07:002009-06-20T05:41:41.674-07:00I love that first line!
What a wonderful poem!!!
...I love that first line!<br /><br />What a wonderful poem!!!<br /><br />May I suggest you add an indefinite article into the second line, and despite my preference for lower case proper nouns, add a capital 'V'? ;-)<br /><br /><i>cool hammock view<br />a Venetian wish sways gently<br />blinks once and is gone</i><br /><br />.Area 17https://www.blogger.com/profile/07472190637554124160noreply@blogger.com