tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2659026536331999061.post5873933402988119052..comments2023-06-24T03:33:29.854-07:00Comments on Summer Haiku 2009: Rachel Greenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13048590167153841615noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2659026536331999061.post-26725478502202136782009-08-27T10:30:01.220-07:002009-08-27T10:30:01.220-07:00Hi Dennis,
I think you're being hard on yours...Hi Dennis,<br /><br />I think you're being hard on yourself, both haiku are good.<br /><br />Your prose account suggests this version to me:<br /><br /><i>horse chestnut trees <br />with diseased foliage - <br />bold sign of a bank</i><br /><br />I think you can call this a senryu, although it wouldn't be out of place with other haiku either.<br /><br />all my best,<br />Alan<br /><a href="http://www.withwords.org.uk/results.html" rel="nofollow">With Words Online Haiku Competition Results</a><br />.Area 17https://www.blogger.com/profile/07472190637554124160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2659026536331999061.post-51879511924858514512009-08-27T09:29:37.883-07:002009-08-27T09:29:37.883-07:00Hi Alan and Kelly,
This one has been hard to get ...Hi Alan and Kelly,<br /><br />This one has been hard to get right. The basic images are: horse chestnut trees with diseased foliage - and then beyond them the bold blue sign on a bank. So I waas really trying to make the first two lines the 'phrase' and the third line the 'fragment'. I rejig it a bit:<br /><br />blue BARCLAYS sign<br />horse chestnut leaves<br />have strange brown blotches<br /><br />The bankers exert a malevolent effect on nature! I was wondering too whether to count this as haiku or senryu.<br /><br />DennisDennis Tomlinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15392008080036061354noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2659026536331999061.post-66378339845496012092009-08-26T22:28:03.286-07:002009-08-26T22:28:03.286-07:00Not so dim Kelly! ;-)
Barclays might be better kn...Not so dim Kelly! ;-)<br /><br />Barclays might be better known for their 'plastic' over there. <br /><br />Here in the U.K. they are a common "High Street" bank.<br /><br />Hi Dennis,<br /><br />I like the haiku/senryu!<br /><br />Maybe to get the haiku fragment and phrase it could be:<br /><br /><i>horse chestnut leaves<br />the strange brown blotches<br />a blue BARCLAYS sign</i><br /><br /><br />all my best,<br />Alan<br /><a href="http://www.withwords.org.uk/results.html" rel="nofollow">With Words Online Haiku Competition Results</a><br />.Area 17https://www.blogger.com/profile/07472190637554124160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2659026536331999061.post-89862198589737552802009-08-26T12:15:17.493-07:002009-08-26T12:15:17.493-07:00Yes! was wondering if the Barclays was a credit ca...Yes! was wondering if the Barclays was a credit card -- {dim american}!Kelly M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/07281523503121981821noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2659026536331999061.post-71290550445430563702009-08-26T12:01:16.273-07:002009-08-26T12:01:16.273-07:00Maybe better:
horse chestnut leaves
with strange ...Maybe better:<br /><br />horse chestnut leaves<br />with strange brown blotches<br />blue BARCLAYS signDennis Tomlinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15392008080036061354noreply@blogger.com