tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2659026536331999061.post6741524549607848788..comments2023-06-24T03:33:29.854-07:00Comments on Summer Haiku 2009: Rachel Greenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13048590167153841615noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2659026536331999061.post-27629518621788563722009-06-27T05:15:13.257-07:002009-06-27T05:15:13.257-07:00I absolutely adore this!!!!
It evokes memories o...<b>I absolutely adore this!!!! </b><br /><br />It evokes memories of <i>Ted Hughes'</i> <b>'Crow'</b>.<br /><br />Just one comment, do you mean <i><b>crow</b></i> as a plural as in...<br /><br /><i>Already hot,<br />crows forego the barley fields<br />for the cooler coast. </i><br /><br />or a single crow as in...<br /><br /><i>Already hot,<br />a crow foregoes the barley fields<br />for the cooler coast. </i><br /><br />although I quite like it without an article e.g.<br /><br /><i>Already hot,<br />crow forgoes the barley fields<br />for the cooler coast. </i><br /><br />Have you considered dropping the uppercase start and fullstop (period) to your haiku? <br /><br />You could also go for the shorter spelling of <i>'foregoes'</i> for <i>'forgoes'</i> just to decrease that long middle line a little bit.<br /><br /><br /><i>already hot,<br />crow forgoes the barley fields<br />for the cooler coast </i><br /><br /><br />Alan<br /><a href="http://www.%20withwords.org.uk" rel="nofollow">With Words</a><br />.Area 17https://www.blogger.com/profile/07472190637554124160noreply@blogger.com