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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

morning commute
dew rimed melon roses
glisten in the sun
at
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1 comment:

Pan Haiku Review said...

Hi Reihaisha!

I'm really impressed at how you are doing a series (and record) of "morning commute" haiku.

Because you creating such clear lucid haiku I wonder if you actually need to state "glisten"?

In fact if you remove that word you are creating what the Japanese haiku writers do regularly, and that's use "metaphor/simile" in their work!

e.g.

morning commute
dew rimed melon roses
glisten in the sun

morning commute
dew rimed melon roses
in the sun

.

July 16, 2009

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