Good one Rachel - I'd take 'falls' out though
lovely, I love laburnum and your picture captures it beautifully
Very good Rachel - allow me a remix:I walkthrough petal shower with golden chain
Love it!I agree with David, you don't need 'fall'.You have two versions of your haiku I see, one in the 'haiga' (beautiful art) and one on the page:I lieunder a shower of old gold...laburnum petalsI layunder a shower of old goldlaburnum petalsNot sure you need so many periods (full stops). As haiku are open-ended one period might be okay for exceptions, but two is one or two many. ;-)More of this artwork from you please! ;-)Alan
yes good onejohn
Good combination of paint and words.
I love "a shower of old gold".
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7 comments:
Good one Rachel - I'd take 'falls' out though
lovely, I love laburnum and your picture captures it beautifully
Very good Rachel - allow me a remix:
I walk
through petal shower
with golden chain
Love it!
I agree with David, you don't need 'fall'.
You have two versions of your haiku I see, one in the 'haiga' (beautiful art) and one on the page:
I lie
under a shower of old gold...
laburnum petals
I lay
under a shower of old gold
laburnum petals
Not sure you need so many periods (full stops). As haiku are open-ended one period might be okay for exceptions, but two is one or two many. ;-)
More of this artwork from you please! ;-)
Alan
yes good one
john
Good combination of paint and words.
I love "a shower of old gold".
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