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Autumn 2009 @ our new website The Four Seasons of Haiku

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I lay
under a shower of old gold.
Laburnum petals fall.


David said...

Good one Rachel - I'd take 'falls' out though

Crafty Green Poet said...

lovely, I love laburnum and your picture captures it beautifully

Ashi said...

Very good Rachel - allow me a remix:

I walk
through petal shower
with golden chain

Alan Summers said...

Love it!

I agree with David, you don't need 'fall'.

You have two versions of your haiku I see, one in the 'haiga' (beautiful art) and one on the page:

I lie
under a shower of old gold...
laburnum petals

I lay
under a shower of old gold
laburnum petals

Not sure you need so many periods (full stops). As haiku are open-ended one period might be okay for exceptions, but two is one or two many. ;-)

More of this artwork from you please! ;-)


John McDonald said...

yes good one

Möme said...

Good combination of paint and words.

diana l. said...

I love "a shower of old gold".