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Autumn 2009 @ our new website The Four Seasons of Haiku

Thursday, June 11, 2009

In my garden
ambition and content
side by side


diana l. said...

I really like the content of this, but wonder if the form might not work better if you switched the second and third lines and changed the longer one to read "ambition and contentment" - dropping "my" (since you've already implied that it's yours from the first line):

In my garden
ambition and contentment
side by side

What do you think?

Ashi said...

Thanks Diana l. - yes why didn't I see that, it works much better - in fact I will change that.
Thank you for the second view.

John McDonald said...

well done