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Thursday, June 4, 2009

a robin singing
in this white night
your laughter

* * *

punarinnan laulu
valkeassa yössä
sinun naurusi

10 comments:

Alan Summers said...

I really like this.

Is "white night" meaning snow?

a robin singing
in this white night
your laughter


I wonder if a small change or two might help?

a robin singing
into this white night
your laughter


OR

robinsong
into this white night
your laughter


all my very best,

Alan
With Words

nora said...

I love it, Mome!

diana l. said...

Mome, this is just beautiful!

diana l. said...

Another thought - this one would work well with a haiku that David wrote about a nightingale back in the Spring blog (second to last page of it).

Alan Summers said...

This haiku is really growing on me more and more. It's great to have a haiku that can withstand many re-readings.

Möme said...

Thank you for your kind comments!

Diana: Thanks for the tip - I hadn't actually read David's poem, and you're right.

Alan: Do you really need to have 'into'? I like the vagueness of 'in', it corresponds to the Finnish, original version.
Quoting Wikipedia: "the term 'White Nights' describes the few weeks around the summer solstice in June in areas of high latitude during which sunsets are late, sunrises are early and darkness is never complete."

It only starts getting dark here after 11 pm now, and consequently, people are light-hearted and happier compared to the darkness and coldness of winter.

My close friend suffering from anorexia is feeling better, and it is a relief to see her less anxious and self-destructive, enjoying summer. This was written for her.

Alan Summers said...

Hi Möme,

Your version has grown on me very much.

It's a good haiku as it has stood several re-readings from me & I can still enjoy it! ;-)

Your version is fine, I was just thinking out aloud. ;-)

You've added a fine note about your haiku, which I feel many of us will find fascinating. It's the sort of additional notes that many of us really appreciate. Thank you!

Alan
With Words

Crafty Green Poet said...

this is beautiful, I thought immediately of the neverending days of summer, also I love the way the middle line works with both the first and last lines

David said...

beautiful haiku - thanks for the background that informed it.

Kelly Marszycki said...

I like the contrast of white/night -- it raises the imagery to a heightened sense of color/no color/ coolness/white heat, all tempered by the fragility of the bird's song. Alan is right -- each return adds depth and nuance.