I like what you are trying to say in each of your poems Melanie, but I feel each perhaps has too many words. The same sense might be stronger if you lost a few. eg -
day lilies rim the yard so much missed, so much lost
I agree with Jem. These seasonal blogs have really helped to hone down my writing to more of its core. Less (fewer words, implied versus obvious meaning, minimal redundancy) certainly seems to be more (beauty, depth, mystery), I am learning.
2 comments:
I like what you are trying to say in each of your poems Melanie, but I feel each perhaps has too many words. The same sense might be stronger if you lost a few. eg -
day lilies rim the yard
so much missed, so much lost
Just a personal suggestion.
I agree with Jem. These seasonal blogs have really helped to hone down my writing to more of its core. Less (fewer words, implied versus obvious meaning, minimal redundancy) certainly seems to be more (beauty, depth, mystery), I am learning.
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