Summer Haiku 2009

Friday, July 17, 2009

while the midnight sky
tore itself apart
with lightning -
my barefoot children
danced in the puddles

John McDonald said...: lovely sight David
john; July 17, 2009
Area 17 said...: Really like this!

There is a typo, it should be "lightning"?

And I wonder if while the can be edited out? It just reduces the 'telling' aspect and increases the "show, don't tell".

And it's okay to have simile and metaphor in haiku from time to time. ;-)

midnight sky
it tears itself apart
with lightning -
my barefoot children
dancing in puddles

Alan; July 18, 2009
diana l. said...: I love this (but am a bit concerned about children out "puddling" in a lightening storm!); July 18, 2009
Area 17 said...: Hi Diana,

"lightening storms" are fine it's "lightning storms" you have to worry about. ;-)

Alan; July 19, 2009