Summer Haiku 2009

Thursday, August 6, 2009

washed and wrung dry

hung on the washing line -discoloured

--sunset, after the rain

Area 17 said...: Hey, I love the jazzed up version! ;-)

What a lively and engaging poem, and way to present it. More! ;-)

washed and wrung dry
hung on the washing line -discoloured
--sunset, after the rain

I think you could reduce the haiku a little further.

washed and wrung dry
on the washing line
--sunset, after the rain

.; August 07, 2009
Beatrice V said...: Yes, I love it, more succint (which I tried similarly) But, it then relies a bit more on the visual discolouration (which was actually an afterthought!).. do you think it would still be effective, if read in the shorter version, without the 'visual effects'?; August 07, 2009
Area 17 said...: .
That's the thing with haiku, what to leave out what to leave in.

I'm still learning that one! ;-)

Maybe you could have one as a tanka, and one as a haiku?

e.g.

discoloured
washed and wrung dry
on the washing line
sunset
after the rain

me,
washed and wrung dry
(hung) on the washing line
- discoloured

the sunset
after rain

the sunset
after rain
me, washed and wrung dry
(hung) on the washing line
- discoloured

Then there is nothing wrong with three line tanka. Contemporary women tanka writers don't always follow the perceived rules.

I highly recommend "A Long Rainy Season:

Leza Lowitz website

Stonebridge Press

A Long Rainy Season is a marvellous book, and the first that Leza brought out. She's also a Facebook friend. ;-)

Alan; August 07, 2009

Thursday, August 6, 2009