a hawthorn -
like little red apples
in the rain
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♦ Discussion group (anthology project) The Four Seasons of Haiku on Facebook
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Summer Haiku 2009
A community of haiku poets recording and sharing their experiences of summer, in haiku, tanka, haiga, haibun and senryu. How to join see here...
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♦ Discussion group (anthology project) The Four Seasons of Haiku on Facebook
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6 comments:
Love it!
weblink: Hawthorn
all my best,
Alan
With Words Online Haiku Competition
.
Great, but I think the meaning will be clearer if I alter it to:
hawthorn fruit
like little red apples
in the rain
Hi Dennis!
Not sure about that, as fruit and apples seem repetition.
What about:
hawthorn
little red apples
in the rain
weblink:
little red apples
all my best,
Alan
With Words Online Haiku Competition Results
.
Hi Dennis,
I enjoyed your poem and like Alan's suggestion. I looked up the Hawthorn
not being familiar with it and have a response to what I read and saw:
autumn chill
the hawthorn’s fruit collects
with the rain
I found the fruit interesting and emphasized more its comparison with the rain. Excuse me for attempting to illustrate my problem with openness in a haiku on your spot. However, the reason I’m doing this is to have a better understanding on how much room to leave the reader to explore that moment. Your poem, the way I understand it, is wide open. My attempt is narrower. I question both and don’t even know if either poem is a haiku. I know this blog is not a forum, but I thought I’d ask you and anyone else about it.
Thanks,
martin
Hi Martin,
I like your haiku too, which shows an interesting change of emphasis. Although my poem grew out of a particular observation, it can evidently - and legitimately - be interpreted in different ways. I eventually settled on the wording:
a hawthorn
little red apples
in the rain
I looked anew at the solitary hawthorn tree that stands prominently in the yard at my workplace and I thought of the fruitfulness of nature. The feeling was a warm one in spite of the raindrops, though 'autumn chill' is already on its way.
I hope this is informative!
Dennis
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