Love it!weblink: Hawthornall my best,AlanWith Words Online Haiku Competition.
Great, but I think the meaning will be clearer if I alter it to:hawthorn fruitlike little red applesin the rain
Hi Dennis!Not sure about that, as fruit and apples seem repetition.What about:hawthorn little red applesin the rainweblink: little red applesall my best,AlanWith Words Online Haiku Competition Results.
Hi Dennis,I enjoyed your poem and like Alan's suggestion. I looked up the Hawthorn not being familiar with it and have a response to what I read and saw:autumn chillthe hawthorn’s fruit collectswith the rainI found the fruit interesting and emphasized more its comparison with the rain. Excuse me for attempting to illustrate my problem with openness in a haiku on your spot. However, the reason I’m doing this is to have a better understanding on how much room to leave the reader to explore that moment. Your poem, the way I understand it, is wide open. My attempt is narrower. I question both and don’t even know if either poem is a haiku. I know this blog is not a forum, but I thought I’d ask you and anyone else about it.Thanks,martin
Hi Martin,I like your haiku too, which shows an interesting change of emphasis. Although my poem grew out of a particular observation, it can evidently - and legitimately - be interpreted in different ways. I eventually settled on the wording:a hawthornlittle red applesin the rainI looked anew at the solitary hawthorn tree that stands prominently in the yard at my workplace and I thought of the fruitfulness of nature. The feeling was a warm one in spite of the raindrops, though 'autumn chill' is already on its way.I hope this is informative!Dennis
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