lazy evening
single fly circles
neighbors' trash can
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♦ Discussion group (anthology project) The Four Seasons of Haiku on Facebook
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Summer Haiku 2009
A community of haiku poets recording and sharing their experiences of summer, in haiku, tanka, haiga, haibun and senryu. How to join see here...
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♦ Discussion group (anthology project) The Four Seasons of Haiku on Facebook
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6 comments:
lazy evening
single fly slowly circles
neighbors' trash can
I don't think you need both "lazy" and "slowly"
lazy evening
just a single fly circles
my neighbor's trash
This is great!
I prefer the original 'neighbors' trash can' because 'my neighbor's trash' sounds to me like rubbish dumped on the ground.
Possibly, except rather than generalise it was nice to zoom into one trash can. ;-)
But I don't understand the position of the apostrophe in:
neighbors' trash can
Does this mean several neighbours share a single trash can, or should it have read:
neighbors' trash cans
???
I refer to the family that lives across from me as the "neighbors". I am editing and removing the slowly
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