The poem intrigues me, but who are the people you call "they"?on the lawnaround three candles they talkedlate into the night I'd love to know more! ;-)I think you could reconsider "on the" e.g.three candleswe talkedlate into the night three candleslate into the night we talkednight picnicthrough all three candleswe talked lawn picnicwe talked through three candles I can't do it justice, but there is a stronger poem that can come out of this.Alan
lawn tablefaces in the candle light
Yes, it is intriguing. I like having a clear sense of place and imagine them sitting directly on the grass, like young college or high school students. Am I on the right track?
Place is almost always where I start from with these poems. Don't you? You are right diana. This was my daughter and new friends on Friday night.
Place is always good to establish, but I was curious who 'they' were, and sitting on the grass, yet having candles, quite piqued my curiosity.Was this a University party on the grounds maybe?Alan
Great show on the fourth plinth Alan. You and the words and all the people behind the words came over really well.My daughter and me had dinner with a load of people from our church on the old vicarage lawn. I lit three large candles and stuck them in the ground away from all the diners.She is fourteen and got chatting to a couple of girls the same age also from the church. They don't know each other very well. It was great to leave them all chatting on one of our rare Surrey dry and warm summer evenings.It felt odd sending you one word Alan. But it is good to ponder a word for a while.Best wishesDavid
.I love the account of the event! ;-)You might have to tell the truth as if it's a lie e.g.teenage picnicthree large candles stick in the ground David: "It felt odd sending you one word Alan. But it is good to ponder a word for a while.It's surprising how well it went, and how so many poets were disciplined to give one important word and give precise and very moving comments to complement the important word.Alan’s Fourth Plinth webpageAlan's BBC interviewThank you david for your important word! ;-)Alan
I quite like the ambiguity in this, it allowed me to flesh out the bones to create my own story.
I've been thinking about your comment about "place", David. I guess I hadn't quite thought about haiku in this way before, but rather just felt it.
Hi Diana,Yes, place is an important aspect of a lot of poetry, and a useful technique to use sometimes with haiku.dusk at the golf clubpart of a marker polea tawny frogmouthnightjar family1st PrizeFellowship of Australian Writers, Queensland, Haiku Competition (1995)Moonlighting Intimations Pamphlet Series, pub. British Haiku Society, (1996)Azami #38, Japan, (1996)sundog haiku journal: an australian yearpub. sunfast press 1997 reprinted 1998 California State Library - Main Catalog Call Number : HAIKU S852su 1997‘Haiku Friends’ ed. Masaharu Hirata Pub., Osaka, Japan, 2003First Australian Haiku Anthology ISBN 0 9577925 9 X (2003)
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