the path crack
spilling ants - mopped up
by a waiting wren
grey sky
a white butterfly
dodges raindrops
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♦ Discussion group (anthology project) The Four Seasons of Haiku on Facebook
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Summer Haiku 2009
A community of haiku poets recording and sharing their experiences of summer, in haiku, tanka, haiga, haibun and senryu. How to join see here...
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♦ Discussion group (anthology project) The Four Seasons of Haiku on Facebook
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5 comments:
.
I thought this haiku was terrific!
grey sky
a white butterfly
dodges raindrops
I wondered if you could play around with the syntax and order of the lines a bit more?
the path crack
spilling ants - mopped up
by a waiting wren
What genus of wren was it? That might add a bit of particularity.
wikipedia weblink: wrens
e.g.
Rock Wren
Flutist Wren
Carolina Wren etc... etc...
cracked path
spilling ants mopped up
by a rock wren
cracked path
spilling ants mopped up
by a flutist wren
cracked path
spilling ants mopped up
by a Carolina wren
.
enjoyed these jem
john
"mopped up" ; i like that
much love
gillena
excellent images both of them. For a UK reader, wren says it all....
Really liked the 1st one - I like the near-alliteration (waiting / wren) and I like "mopped up" - in the military, the infantry troops that go in after the successful invasion are considered to perform a "mop up" role. The wren figured out where to wait, waited patiently, and now she gets her reward.
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