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Saturday, August 15, 2009

the path crack

spilling ants - mopped up

by a waiting wren

grey sky

a white butterfly

dodges raindrops

5 comments:

Alan Summers said...

.
I thought this haiku was terrific!

grey sky
a white butterfly
dodges raindrops



I wondered if you could play around with the syntax and order of the lines a bit more?

the path crack
spilling ants - mopped up
by a waiting wren


What genus of wren was it? That might add a bit of particularity.

wikipedia weblink: wrens

e.g.

Rock Wren
Flutist Wren
Carolina Wren etc... etc...

cracked path
spilling ants mopped up
by a rock wren



cracked path
spilling ants mopped up
by a flutist wren



cracked path
spilling ants mopped up
by a Carolina wren


.

John McDonald said...

enjoyed these jem
john

Gillena Cox said...

"mopped up" ; i like that

much love
gillena

Crafty Green Poet said...

excellent images both of them. For a UK reader, wren says it all....

Pat Trombly said...

Really liked the 1st one - I like the near-alliteration (waiting / wren) and I like "mopped up" - in the military, the infantry troops that go in after the successful invasion are considered to perform a "mop up" role. The wren figured out where to wait, waited patiently, and now she gets her reward.