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Autumn 2009 @ our new website The Four Seasons of Haiku

Monday, June 29, 2009

.
morning heat
last night's thunder
an unkept promise
.

8 comments:

David said...

I enjoyed this Beatrice

madame_obscure said...

Beautiful!!

Alan Summers said...

I really enjoyed this!!!

As it's so good you could afford to further edit, and create an ambiguous juxtaposition/enjambment. ;-)


morning heat
last night's thunder
an unkept promise



Just a thought. ;-)

Alan

Beatrice V said...

Hi Alan, yes, yes to the ambiguity:) indeed, you are right, in this case, less is definitely more:) Thanks.

Vic Gendrano said...

There is mystery here, one of the attributes I like in haiku. A continuing unfulfilled promise (by whom?) with its resulting pain and anguish...

Beatrice V said...

Thank you all for the kind comments, and Alan for the unpaid:) critique.. when we have the 'permanent' website, you will have to become 'editor in chief':) I really love this haiku now, fewer words... more depth.

diana l. said...

I didn't see the original version, but really like this one.

Beatrice V said...

Thanks Diana, the original was a bit more explanatory but less interesting..

stifling morning heat
last night's thunder nothing but,
an unkept promise