Summer Haiku 2009

Monday, June 29, 2009

.
morning heat
last night's thunder
an unkept promise
.

David said...: I enjoyed this Beatrice; June 29, 2009
Αγγελική Κορρέ said...: Beautiful!!; June 29, 2009
Area 17 said...: I really enjoyed this!!!

As it's so good you could afford to further edit, and create an ambiguous juxtaposition/enjambment. ;-)

morning heat
last night's thunder
an unkept promise

Just a thought. ;-)

Alan; June 29, 2009
Beatrice V said...: Hi Alan, yes, yes to the ambiguity:) indeed, you are right, in this case, less is definitely more:) Thanks.; June 29, 2009
Vic Gendrano said...: There is mystery here, one of the attributes I like in haiku. A continuing unfulfilled promise (by whom?) with its resulting pain and anguish...; June 29, 2009
Beatrice V said...: Thank you all for the kind comments, and Alan for the unpaid:) critique.. when we have the 'permanent' website, you will have to become 'editor in chief':) I really love this haiku now, fewer words... more depth.; June 29, 2009
diana l. said...: I didn't see the original version, but really like this one.; July 01, 2009
Beatrice V said...: Thanks Diana, the original was a bit more explanatory but less interesting..

stifling morning heat
last night's thunder nothing but,
an unkept promise; July 02, 2009