I enjoyed this Beatrice
I really enjoyed this!!!As it's so good you could afford to further edit, and create an ambiguous juxtaposition/enjambment. ;-)morning heatlast night's thunder an unkept promiseJust a thought. ;-)Alan
Hi Alan, yes, yes to the ambiguity:) indeed, you are right, in this case, less is definitely more:) Thanks.
There is mystery here, one of the attributes I like in haiku. A continuing unfulfilled promise (by whom?) with its resulting pain and anguish...
Thank you all for the kind comments, and Alan for the unpaid:) critique.. when we have the 'permanent' website, you will have to become 'editor in chief':) I really love this haiku now, fewer words... more depth.
I didn't see the original version, but really like this one.
Thanks Diana, the original was a bit more explanatory but less interesting..stifling morning heatlast night's thunder nothing but,an unkept promise
Post a Comment