I love that first line!What a wonderful poem!!!May I suggest you add an indefinite article into the second line, and despite my preference for lower case proper nouns, add a capital 'V'? ;-)cool hammock viewa Venetian wish sways gentlyblinks once and is gone.
Thanks, Alan. I like the "v" better capitalized as well. I think "a" makes the line sound too long -- it already feels long to me...
I think you can actually lose 'sways' as that is implied in the noun 'hammock' e.g. cool hammock viewa Venetian wish gentlyblinks once and is gone.
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