
WELCOMEINTRODUCTIONHOW TO JOIN RULES

previous seasons
-------spring --------------summer ------------ autumn ----------- winter -----

2006 2007 2008 2009 2006 2007 2008 2006 2007 2008 2006 2007 2008

succeeding season
Autumn 2009 @ our new website The Four Seasons of Haiku

Friday, June 19, 2009


cool hammock view
Venetian wish sways gently
blinks once and is gone

3 comments:

Alan Summers said...

I love that first line!

What a wonderful poem!!!

May I suggest you add an indefinite article into the second line, and despite my preference for lower case proper nouns, add a capital 'V'? ;-)

cool hammock view
a Venetian wish sways gently
blinks once and is gone


.

diana l. said...

Thanks, Alan. I like the "v" better capitalized as well. I think "a" makes the line sound too long -- it already feels long to me...

Alan Summers said...

I think you can actually lose 'sways' as that is implied in the noun 'hammock' e.g.

cool hammock view
a Venetian wish gently
blinks once and is gone


.