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Monday, June 8, 2009

shopping jaunt
salmon colored rose bush
next to fish counter

5 comments:

Alan Summers said...

I really like this! Good gentle haiku humour.

I think it's just a bit choppy and wonder if it could be something like...


shopping jaunt
a salmon colored rose bush
by the fish counter



Just a thought. ;-)

diana l. said...

I like your recent focus on color, Reihaisha.

Reihaisha said...

thanks Alan - I have been doing an excercise where I express thoughts in simple phrases.

Diana, I had been looking for that particualr color rose for a month and could not find one - I have been fixated on colors lateley ;)

Alan Summers said...

"thanks Alan - I have been doing an excercise where I express thoughts in simple phrases." Sounds good Reihaisha!

But perhaps even a definite article in the last line, might just smooth out that line?

shopping jaunt
salmon colored rose bush
next to the fish counter

Reihaisha said...

Alan
the last rewrite sounds right - thank you