shopping jaunt
salmon colored rose bush
next to fish counter
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♦ Discussion group (anthology project) The Four Seasons of Haiku on Facebook
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Summer Haiku 2009
A community of haiku poets recording and sharing their experiences of summer, in haiku, tanka, haiga, haibun and senryu. How to join see here...
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♦ Discussion group (anthology project) The Four Seasons of Haiku on Facebook
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5 comments:
I really like this! Good gentle haiku humour.
I think it's just a bit choppy and wonder if it could be something like...
shopping jaunt
a salmon colored rose bush
by the fish counter
Just a thought. ;-)
I like your recent focus on color, Reihaisha.
thanks Alan - I have been doing an excercise where I express thoughts in simple phrases.
Diana, I had been looking for that particualr color rose for a month and could not find one - I have been fixated on colors lateley ;)
"thanks Alan - I have been doing an excercise where I express thoughts in simple phrases." Sounds good Reihaisha!
But perhaps even a definite article in the last line, might just smooth out that line?
shopping jaunt
salmon colored rose bush
next to the fish counter
Alan
the last rewrite sounds right - thank you
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