May I suggest an article or pronoun for the first line?
a visit with my sister catching up under the fan long into the night
visiting the sister catching up under the fan long into the night
visiting my sister catching up under the fan long into the night
sister's visit catching up under the fan long into the night
my sister's visit catching up under the fan long into the night
This is a fine haiku and I can see your voice becoming stronger and stronger in your work. You are coming close to having a really must-have poetry collection on the horizon.
1 comment:
Excellent!
May I suggest an article or pronoun for the first line?
a visit with my sister
catching up under the fan
long into the night
visiting the sister
catching up under the fan
long into the night
visiting my sister
catching up under the fan
long into the night
sister's visit
catching up under the fan
long into the night
my sister's visit
catching up under the fan
long into the night
This is a fine haiku and I can see your voice becoming stronger and stronger in your work. You are coming close to having a really must-have poetry collection on the horizon.
all my very best,
Alan
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