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Autumn 2009 @ our new website The Four Seasons of Haiku

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

awaits a rickshaw
under the gulmohar tree
a girl with lilac


--R.K.SINGH

2 comments:

Alan Summers said...

I wonder if you could experiment swapping the line order?

gulmohar tree
a girl with lilac
awaits a rickshaw


wikipedia weblink: gulmohar tree
.

R.K.SINGH said...

This definitely reads better, Alan.

I was aware that my version had something which needed to be changed, but I couldn't do it, despite my several attempts. Perhaps it was because I was stuck with "under the gulomohar tree". By dropping the preposition, you have achieved what I could not. Thank you very much.

R K