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Autumn 2009 @ our new website The Four Seasons of Haiku

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

back to the sunset

the song of the blackbird

in the sunflower field

5 comments:

John McDonald said...

nice feeling Gwilym
john

Alan Summers said...

I love that first line because it beautifully, and originally sets up the phrase part of the haiku!

I wonder if adding "in" might enhance the idea of the two line phrase effect?


back to the sunset
the song of the blackbird
the sunflower field



back to the sunset
the song of the blackbird
in a sunflower field



back to the sunset
the blackbird's song
in a sunflower field

.

Beatrice V said...

Beautiful images

Poet in Residence said...

Thanks Alan and you're absolutely right of course!

Alan Summers said...

Lovely haiku. It's why I am so passionate about tweaking a single word. ;-0