I love the concept of "swallowing" in this one. I wonder if it would work better, however, if it was trimmed up a bit and somewhat rearranged...lengthening the second line with part of the third, perhaps...and/or cutting out an item on your list of swallowed objects...maybe there's an even more powerful synonym for "full grown"...(Hope you don't mind all of this feedback.)
2 comments:
I love the concept of "swallowing" in this one. I wonder if it would work better, however, if it was trimmed up a bit and somewhat rearranged...lengthening the second line with part of the third, perhaps...and/or cutting out an item on your list of swallowed objects...maybe there's an even more powerful synonym for "full grown"...(Hope you don't mind all of this feedback.)
Yes I know!
fully grown now
the bracken swallows
sign posts, Fallow deer
D
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