full grown
the bracken
swallows sign posts, park benches, Fallow deer
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♦ Discussion group (anthology project) The Four Seasons of Haiku on Facebook
│ WELCOME│ INTRODUCTION │ HOW TO JOIN │RULES │
│ WELCOME│ INTRODUCTION │ HOW TO JOIN │RULES │
Summer Haiku 2009
A community of haiku poets recording and sharing their experiences of summer, in haiku, tanka, haiga, haibun and senryu. How to join see here...
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♦ Discussion group (anthology project) The Four Seasons of Haiku on Facebook
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2 comments:
I love the concept of "swallowing" in this one. I wonder if it would work better, however, if it was trimmed up a bit and somewhat rearranged...lengthening the second line with part of the third, perhaps...and/or cutting out an item on your list of swallowed objects...maybe there's an even more powerful synonym for "full grown"...(Hope you don't mind all of this feedback.)
Yes I know!
fully grown now
the bracken swallows
sign posts, Fallow deer
D
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