Hi Reihaisha!I'm really impressed at how you are doing a series (and record) of "morning commute" haiku.Because you creating such clear lucid haiku I wonder if you actually need to state "glisten"?In fact if you remove that word you are creating what the Japanese haiku writers do regularly, and that's use "metaphor/simile" in their work!e.g.morning commutedew rimed melon rosesglisten in the sunmorning commutedew rimed melon rosesin the sun.
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Hi Reihaisha!
I'm really impressed at how you are doing a series (and record) of "morning commute" haiku.
Because you creating such clear lucid haiku I wonder if you actually need to state "glisten"?
In fact if you remove that word you are creating what the Japanese haiku writers do regularly, and that's use "metaphor/simile" in their work!
e.g.
morning commute
dew rimed melon roses
glisten in the sun
morning commute
dew rimed melon roses
in the sun
.
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