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Thursday, July 2, 2009

No clouds today.
Air is heavy with the scent
of mock orange.
at
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1 comment:

Area 17 said...

I love those last two lines!

weblink: wikipedia: mock orange

I feel you replace the first line with a seemingly unrelated new image so that it neatly "clashes" with that terrific last couple of lines.

I also wonder if you need "is" e.g.

No clouds today.
Air is heavy with the scent
of mock orange.

no clouds
the air heavy with the scent
of mock orange

(juxtapose a new concrete image):

NEW LINE
the air heavy with the scent
of mock orange


.

July 02, 2009

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