I like both haiku!The second one resonates more deeply with me.I don't think you need "and" in the second line.evening commutethe slow scenic route hometo leave work behind.
Alan,Thanks for the comment- I had to look at it for a while before inserting the "and". It didn't feel quite right but I am glad that someone else felt the same...
Great minds think alike! ;-)There's always a tricky balance with word choice in haiku. It's like juggling several plates, or balls, in the air. Do we leave out certain words, or does that make it look choppy, or like Tontoism, or as I call it 'Dalekspeak', rather than smooth syntax?Do we get caught up in syllable counting which often goes against good tight writing?Then there is the perceived 'classic' visual image of a short long short line haiku, and we don't want the middle line looking like it wants to leave the poem entirely! ;-)Your haiku reminded me of the one I wrote some time ago about a driver in a traffic jam who wants to reconnect with the natural world.traffic jama driver fingers the breezethrough the sunroof‘The New Haiku’ Snapshot Press, 2002, ISBN 1-903543-03-7Snapshots 2 April 1998 ISSN 1461-0833.
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