Summer Haiku 2009

Thursday, July 9, 2009

trembling butterfly
alights upon me softly
haiku's first line

nora said...: I like it, Diana! Consider removing the adjectives. :-); July 10, 2009
diana l. said...: I did think that "softly" was probably a bit redundant, but you'd drop "trembling" as well? (too melodramatic, perhaps?); July 10, 2009
nora said...: I would, but it's yours. I think it can stand beautifully without them.; July 11, 2009
diana l. said...: Thanks...and I appreciate the care with which you give your feedback! :); July 11, 2009
Vic Gendrano said...: Diana,

I'll convert your haiku into a tanka where you can have fun and are free to express your emotions any way you want. As I like your poem, this is for you to use as you want or you can toss it away.

so softly
a trembling butterfly
alights on me
the nascent first line
of my tanka; July 14, 2009
diana l. said...: How lovely, Vic. Thank you so much. (I wouldn't dream of tossing it away!); July 14, 2009