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Autumn 2009 @ our new website The Four Seasons of Haiku

Thursday, July 9, 2009

trembling butterfly
alights upon me softly
haiku's first line


nora said...

I like it, Diana! Consider removing the adjectives. :-)

diana l. said...

I did think that "softly" was probably a bit redundant, but you'd drop "trembling" as well? (too melodramatic, perhaps?)

nora said...

I would, but it's yours. I think it can stand beautifully without them.

diana l. said...

Thanks...and I appreciate the care with which you give your feedback! :)

Vic Gendrano said...


I'll convert your haiku into a tanka where you can have fun and are free to express your emotions any way you want. As I like your poem, this is for you to use as you want or you can toss it away.

so softly
a trembling butterfly
alights on me
the nascent first line
of my tanka

diana l. said...

How lovely, Vic. Thank you so much. (I wouldn't dream of tossing it away!)