I like this Rachel. Good one!
Cool, but do you know what kind so bats? That would add to it.Also not sure about the line format with a colon.e.g.pipistrelle batsaround a Lammas firedusk comes early????
yes I agree - ditch the colonbut we townies don't need to know what kind of batsa strength of this haiku is evoked with the mysterious and evocative word 'Lammas' - there is no need to stretch us furtherDavid
Thank you both.Help is always appreciated.Alas, I don't know what sort of bats.
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4 comments:
I like this Rachel. Good one!
Cool, but do you know what kind so bats? That would add to it.
Also not sure about the line format with a colon.
e.g.
pipistrelle bats
around a Lammas fire
dusk comes early
???
?
yes I agree - ditch the colon
but we townies don't need to know what kind of bats
a strength of this haiku is evoked with the mysterious and evocative word 'Lammas' - there is no need to stretch us further
David
Thank you both.
Help is always appreciated.
Alas, I don't know what sort of bats.
Post a Comment