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Saturday, June 27, 2009

Already hot,
crow forego the barley fields
for the cooler coast.
at
Author Archive

1 comment:

Area 17 said...

I absolutely adore this!!!!

It evokes memories of Ted Hughes' 'Crow'.

Just one comment, do you mean crow as a plural as in...

Already hot,
crows forego the barley fields
for the cooler coast.

or a single crow as in...

Already hot,
a crow foregoes the barley fields
for the cooler coast.

although I quite like it without an article e.g.

Already hot,
crow forgoes the barley fields
for the cooler coast.

Have you considered dropping the uppercase start and fullstop (period) to your haiku?

You could also go for the shorter spelling of 'foregoes' for 'forgoes' just to decrease that long middle line a little bit.


already hot,
crow forgoes the barley fields
for the cooler coast


Alan
With Words
.

June 27, 2009

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