Trying to take a leaf out of Martin I don't think you need all the words e.g.flickering patchworkmoths around a street light .
I don't know. I kind of like the "shadows". (In fact, unlike moths, it's the "shadows" that drew me to this one!)(At least you make good use of staying up so late.)
If you think of them still there but as "negative space" it does away with explaining. Also we have all been 'guilty' of using shadows a lot in our haiku. Over the last 20 years there have probably been up to ten thousand haiku with shadow in them.But you could be right, but if so then I think we would have to do away with "a flickering patchwork" as that is shown in shadows around a street lightThis is why haiku is so challenging, we don't tend to repeat ourselves in this short 'form' unlike longer poetry forms where that's okay and the longer form allows for it as a technique.Tricky isn't it? ;-)Alan
thanks for thinking about this one. i rushed it out. 'patchwork' just came from nowhere - perhaps more interesting than 'shadows'. the line began with 'flickering' and 'shadows'they are at the root of the poem.a flickering dance -moths around a street lightThanks Alan and diana
Like it! ;-)Alan
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