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Thursday, July 23, 2009

3 am

a flickering patchwork
of shadows -
moths around a street light


Alan Summers said...

Trying to take a leaf out of Martin I don't think you need all the words e.g.

flickering patchwork
moths around a street light


diana l. said...

I don't know. I kind of like the "shadows". (In fact, unlike moths, it's the "shadows" that drew me to this one!)

(At least you make good use of staying up so late.)

Alan Summers said...

If you think of them still there but as "negative space" it does away with explaining.

Also we have all been 'guilty' of using shadows a lot in our haiku. Over the last 20 years there have probably been up to ten thousand haiku with shadow in them.

But you could be right, but if so then I think we would have to do away with "a flickering patchwork" as that is shown in shadows around a street light

This is why haiku is so challenging, we don't tend to repeat ourselves in this short 'form' unlike longer poetry forms where that's okay and the longer form allows for it as a technique.

Tricky isn't it? ;-)


David said...

thanks for thinking about this one. i rushed it out. 'patchwork' just came from nowhere - perhaps more interesting than 'shadows'. the line began with 'flickering' and 'shadows'they are at the root of the poem.

a flickering dance -
moths around a street light

Thanks Alan and diana

Alan Summers said...

Like it! ;-)