Like the haiku with allusion to Basho!I wonder if you could play around with it a bit more e.g.fallen leafon the still pond--ripples a moment tofallen leaf--on the still ponda moment ripples .
Absolutely. My first version goes a leaf fallson the still pond--a moment ripplesThis simply as seen on my blog
I certainly like your original version with a leaf falls.
Thank you, Alan.
Wahyu ... i like what you've written and agree with Alan and you that "a moment ripples" really ends the verse powerfully.
Thank you, Laure. I keep them both on my blog.
This haiku pulls me into the "snapshot" experience of the moment. It feels very restful there.
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7 comments:
Like the haiku with allusion to Basho!
I wonder if you could play around with it a bit more e.g.
fallen leaf
on the still pond--
ripples a moment
to
fallen leaf--
on the still pond
a moment ripples
.
Absolutely. My first version goes
a leaf falls
on the still pond--
a moment ripples
This simply as seen on my blog
I certainly like your original version with a leaf falls.
Thank you, Alan.
Wahyu ... i like what you've written and agree with Alan and you that "a moment ripples" really ends the verse powerfully.
Thank you, Laure. I keep them both on my blog.
This haiku pulls me into the "snapshot" experience of the moment. It feels very restful there.
Post a Comment