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Autumn 2009 @ our new website The Four Seasons of Haiku

Monday, July 13, 2009

Sparrow song as
clover flowers
tickle bare feet

2 comments:

Alan Summers said...

I liked this fun haiku. ;-)

You might consider moving as down a line though?

sparrow song
as clover flowers
tickle bare feet


Or consider making it a one line haiku?

sparrow song clover flowers tickle bare feet

.

jem said...

This paints such a pretty little summer picture. I agree with Alan about that 'as' - it would just be a bit more balanced that way.