I liked this fun haiku. ;-)You might consider moving as down a line though?sparrow song as clover flowerstickle bare feetOr consider making it a one line haiku?sparrow song clover flowers tickle bare feet.
This paints such a pretty little summer picture. I agree with Alan about that 'as' - it would just be a bit more balanced that way.
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I liked this fun haiku. ;-)
You might consider moving as down a line though?
sparrow song
as clover flowers
tickle bare feet
Or consider making it a one line haiku?
sparrow song clover flowers tickle bare feet
.
This paints such a pretty little summer picture. I agree with Alan about that 'as' - it would just be a bit more balanced that way.
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