I'm reminded of Matthew Paul's famous haiku:sweltering zoo:a boy shows his lionthe real thing The Regulars by Matthew Paul: Modern Haiku magazine book reviewtoy liona combine thunders through the barleyAlan
Thanks for your comments, Alan. It's more effective to put the stronger image second. I was tempted to put in a longer line such as toy lion in a windowbut I couldn't squeeze it all in and it seemed to detract from the combine harvester image.
I like this a lot, great image
I'm a fan of your haiku, and I think you may be right about leaving out toy lion in a window because although it's good it may be too much alongsite combine and barley.It's also good to have no more than one verb (although there are exceptions).What a great draft haiku. Please consider submitting your final version to a magazine or competition and let me know how well it does.Alan
Good one - it sets the scene and then leaves me with a broad smile.
I've thought about this one and I still prefer your version, Alan!
Thanks Dennis, your first posted version is great, but I knew it could still be tweaked because of that.Alan
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