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Autumn 2009 @ our new website The Four Seasons of Haiku

Monday, August 3, 2009

the combine
thunders through the barley
a toy lion watches


Alan Summers said...

I'm reminded of Matthew Paul's famous haiku:

sweltering zoo:
a boy shows his lion
the real thing

The Regulars by Matthew Paul:
Modern Haiku magazine book review

toy lion
a combine thunders
through the barley


Dennis Tomlinson said...

Thanks for your comments, Alan. It's more effective to put the stronger image second. I was tempted to put in a longer line such as

toy lion in a window

but I couldn't squeeze it all in and it seemed to detract from the combine harvester image.

Crafty Green Poet said...

I like this a lot, great image

Alan Summers said...

I'm a fan of your haiku, and I think you may be right about leaving out toy lion in a window because although it's good it may be too much alongsite combine and barley.

It's also good to have no more than one verb (although there are exceptions).

What a great draft haiku. Please consider submitting your final version to a magazine or competition and let me know how well it does.


jem said...

Good one - it sets the scene and then leaves me with a broad smile.

Dennis Tomlinson said...

I've thought about this one and I still prefer your version, Alan!

Alan Summers said...

Thanks Dennis, your first posted version is great, but I knew it could still be tweaked because of that.