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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

horse chestnut leaves
with strange brown blotches
BARCLAYS blue

5 comments:

Dennis Tomlinson said...

Maybe better:

horse chestnut leaves
with strange brown blotches
blue BARCLAYS sign

Kelly Marszycki said...

Yes! was wondering if the Barclays was a credit card -- {dim american}!

Alan Summers said...

Not so dim Kelly! ;-)

Barclays might be better known for their 'plastic' over there.

Here in the U.K. they are a common "High Street" bank.

Hi Dennis,

I like the haiku/senryu!

Maybe to get the haiku fragment and phrase it could be:

horse chestnut leaves
the strange brown blotches
a blue BARCLAYS sign



all my best,
Alan
With Words Online Haiku Competition Results
.

Dennis Tomlinson said...

Hi Alan and Kelly,

This one has been hard to get right. The basic images are: horse chestnut trees with diseased foliage - and then beyond them the bold blue sign on a bank. So I waas really trying to make the first two lines the 'phrase' and the third line the 'fragment'. I rejig it a bit:

blue BARCLAYS sign
horse chestnut leaves
have strange brown blotches

The bankers exert a malevolent effect on nature! I was wondering too whether to count this as haiku or senryu.

Dennis

Alan Summers said...

Hi Dennis,

I think you're being hard on yourself, both haiku are good.

Your prose account suggests this version to me:

horse chestnut trees
with diseased foliage -
bold sign of a bank


I think you can call this a senryu, although it wouldn't be out of place with other haiku either.

all my best,
Alan
With Words Online Haiku Competition Results
.