horse chestnut leaves
with strange brown blotches
BARCLAYS blue
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♦ Discussion group (anthology project) The Four Seasons of Haiku on Facebook
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Summer Haiku 2009
A community of haiku poets recording and sharing their experiences of summer, in haiku, tanka, haiga, haibun and senryu. How to join see here...
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♦ Discussion group (anthology project) The Four Seasons of Haiku on Facebook
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5 comments:
Maybe better:
horse chestnut leaves
with strange brown blotches
blue BARCLAYS sign
Yes! was wondering if the Barclays was a credit card -- {dim american}!
Not so dim Kelly! ;-)
Barclays might be better known for their 'plastic' over there.
Here in the U.K. they are a common "High Street" bank.
Hi Dennis,
I like the haiku/senryu!
Maybe to get the haiku fragment and phrase it could be:
horse chestnut leaves
the strange brown blotches
a blue BARCLAYS sign
all my best,
Alan
With Words Online Haiku Competition Results
.
Hi Alan and Kelly,
This one has been hard to get right. The basic images are: horse chestnut trees with diseased foliage - and then beyond them the bold blue sign on a bank. So I waas really trying to make the first two lines the 'phrase' and the third line the 'fragment'. I rejig it a bit:
blue BARCLAYS sign
horse chestnut leaves
have strange brown blotches
The bankers exert a malevolent effect on nature! I was wondering too whether to count this as haiku or senryu.
Dennis
Hi Dennis,
I think you're being hard on yourself, both haiku are good.
Your prose account suggests this version to me:
horse chestnut trees
with diseased foliage -
bold sign of a bank
I think you can call this a senryu, although it wouldn't be out of place with other haiku either.
all my best,
Alan
With Words Online Haiku Competition Results
.
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